Couple more Giveaways!

April from Itchin to Stitch is having a fun giveaway. Take a look and enter for a chance to win if you're interested!

Sara from CraftyMoo is also having a great giveaway - pattern, threads and fabric...take a look!

Halloween Giveaway!

If you like to sew or quilt and love Primitive fabrics, you gotta check out this giveaway! Pumpkin Patch Primitives Quilt Shoppe Halloween Giveaway.

And while you're there, be sure to check out the rest of her Shoppe. Drool!

Wow! What a giveaway...

Look at this fun and fantastic giveaway that Annette is having for her blogaversary! Here's just a hint of what she's offering up....

Celebration of Old Ragged Threads 200th Post!

Elisa is celebrating her 200th post and in doing so, is having a wonderful giveaway. You can see she has some very nice items in her giveaway. Go to Old Ragged Threads for a chance to enter.

The Spirit of Halloween

Riona is having a Halloween Giveaway this month to celebrate her birthday and of course, Halloween! She plans to draw the winner on Sept 10. Good luck!

Look at this beautiful sampler! This is the first release by Jan for "Tree of Life Samplings". Check out her blog here for your chance to win this design!

Oh my, oh my......what a generous and fantastic giveaway! Mel is celebrating her 8th blogaversary with a fantastic giveaway. Just go to here to Blog Candy Time and see the details for her giveaway! Good luck to all!

Just a quick update. I'm doing much better. Dave and I have been talking A LOT! That' a good thing....it's always been very difficult for me to open up to anyone and really communicate. I grew up being the peacemaker in my home and never learned how to talk. I think that' s why most of my friendships were mostly on the surface/acquaintances rather than of the "forever friend" sort.

I have been able to get some stitching done. I'm almost done with Part 1 of the Papillon Castle in the Air SAL.
Just need to get the beads for it.






I've got more done on my L&L Angel of Grace, and I picked out a freebie Quaker Flower and the floss for it to do as a birthday present for my Sister. I'm a little nervous about starting it as it will be my first time working on linen, but I'm looking forward to trying it.

Oh, and I got my Carrie's Thread Exchange from the ILCS Yahoo Group. I had Cyndi as a partner and I got some lovely threads. Take a gander :)

I do have a little picture to show you. I had to go to the eye doctor recently, as I've been having problems with close up reading and thought for sure I'd need bi-focals. But, the doctor was able to change my prescription enough that hopefully we can put them off for another year. So I got new glasses and picked something a little more bold than I've ever had before. What do you think? You can compare it to my profile photo, I'm wearing my old glasses in that picture.I like them alot! Oh, and on the fitness front, I'm down another 4 pounds - so almost 20 pounds down since June 10 and I've dropped from a size 20 to an 18. I'm thrilled! 6 pounds to go and I'll be under 200. I haven't been under 200 since I was pregnant with my first son 11 years ago!

Well, the last week has been quite an emotional one for me. To put it bluntly, last Wednesday I was ready to just quit my marriage. I wrote a three page letter to my husband airing all my grievances and complaints and just generally let him have it with both barrells.

This wasn't something completely out of the blue....it's something that has been in the back of my head for a few years honestly. However, it was put into motion the previous evening in bed. Now, I'm not going to go into detail, but I found myself in a panic Tuesday night when my husband wanted to hold me. I was terrified and couldn't move, nor could I speak. I do know that this was what my therapist called a "body flashback". The next morning I decided I was done. I didn't want to do this anymore, try anymore.....it's too much work and too hard.

I gave my husband this letter just as I was leaving the house to take our three boys to youth group. I didn't come home until after I'd picked them up when youth group was done. At that time, then my husband asked if we could take a walk to talk. We walked and talked and then he finally asked me if I even wanted to try anymore and I just said NO, I was done. Well, early the next morning at 4:30am, he came into our room (he'd stayed up that night because he works nights and needed to sleep the next day) and just lost it. In the 26 years that I have known my husband I have seen him cry only once and he has NEVER lost it emotionally like he did that night. He begged me to think about my decision - he didn't want to lose me or our boys. All I could do at that point was say I'd think about it. And I did and have.

The next night he wrote me a long letter by email and something he said really resonated with me. He said that he had given up trying on so many things in his life and he didn't want to give up on me or our marriage. That was what made me take notice. I've been much the same way.

For me, though, I believe the reason I've given up trying on so many things is because I didn't believe myself worthy enough or deserving enough or good enough for many of those things. I was sexually abused as a child. There, I said it out loud and the world didn't crash in on me. Because of this abuse and other things in my childhood, I pretended to the world, to be this happy go lucky girl. Unfortunately, behind that happy face was a girl/child/woman who really wasn't happy and didn't know how to express that she wasn't happy. So she went on pretending until last Wednesday when she finally couldn't pretend anymore.

What this HAS done for me, is somehow opened the gates that have been holding back all the words for so many years. I've never been able to tell my husband/mother/friends or anyone else in my life how I was really feeling. I've always guaged my own happiness on whether or not the important people in my life were happy. If something was wrong, I'd try to fix it and not worry about how it was affecting me.

My husband and I have had more productive talks in the last 10 days than we've had in our 26 year friendship (15 years as a couple). I believe we can make it through this. I'm going to go back to the therapist/psychologist I started seeing last November and he's going to make an appointment with someone in the same office for himself. Eventually we'll work into marriage counseling together after we've had some individual counseling sessions.

We have also made a committment to get back to church together. We have both drifted away from this important area of our life and both feel a need to make it a priority for our family. It always amazes me that God knows what we need to hear and when we need to hear it. We went to the service a week and a half ago and heard some things that were very relevant to where we are right now.

So, that's where things are in my life. I'm still running and trying to be healthy. I'm officially down 15 pounds since June 10 and dropped a dress size. I haven't weighed this weight since I was pregnant with my youngest in 2002. My next goal is to get under 200, which is only 11 pounds away, by the end of September. My goal after that is to drop 19 more pounds by Christmas and be able to fit into my wedding dress again. I KNOW I can do this. I know that part of the reason I'm succeeding is because I'm finally allowing myself to take care of ME and telling the little abused girl in me that it's okay to be pretty and attractive.

To Child Me

What if I could come to you

all grown up

and approach you softly

gently

in an all-alone moment?

What could I tell you that would comfort you

encourage you

make you see how beautiful you are?

What if I told you that someday

you'd be safe

you'd be free

you'd be on the journey to peace?

Would you believe me?

Would I seem like a stranger

an impostor

with graying hair and comfortable hips?

Would you tremble when I arrived,

afraid that I was just one more

abuser

intruder

bringing sweet lies and tempting promises

whispers of hope without substance

or strength

to fulfill them?

Would you dare to crawl into my lap

curl up in my arms

and cry it all out?

Would you hope?

Would you love me just a little

therefore sparing a little love for yourself?

Who might I be today

if you had learned that love?

If the fear and hate and shame

hadn't taken such a deep, gnarling root

in your innocent soul?

Would I be wilder?

Would I be less?

Would it matter at all?

Let me love you.

Let me hold you.

Let me in for just a moment.

You are safe. You are safe. You are safe.

Sara Shalom Scharrer

This is my 8 year old self in third grade. I look at this picture now and see such sad eyes that are asking for something, but don't know what. I found this poem today on another blog and it really resonated with me. Do you ever wonder if you could go back to your childhood and talk to yourself what you would say to that child? I've never really thought about it, but I have today. I'd tell that little girl that it was OKAY to tell her Mommy that someone she loved was hurting her. I'd keep telling her that until it stopped when she was 13, so that hopefully she wouldn't be where she is now emotionally that is at 42. Maybe things would have been different for her. I would have told her that it was OKAY to NOT be happy all the time, and it wasn't HER responsibility to make sure her Mommy and her Brothers were happy....she's ONLY a little girl.

The blog where I found this has a very thought provoking post. Check it out here if you'd like. Talking to Myself

Check out this wonderful opportunity for a beautiful sampler. Jan's Giveaway

I am going thru so much right now in my head and in my heart.

I got very little sleep last night and I feel just mentally drained. I feel like my childhood was such a challenge and I dealt with more than any child should have to, that my adult life should have been easier, ya know? I have always felt that there must have been SOME reason that God put me in the family he did, but now as an adult everything has come back to haunt me and make life hard again. WHY????

I'm just praying that I don't let this sidetrack me from my weight loss goals, cause finally in my life I believe that I am WORTH taking care of and I'm actually LOSING weight and exercising! That's part of this whole thing too......I've always taken care of everyone else at the expense of myself and worried about keeping someone else happy and I'm still doing it.

Sigh........I just want to be happy.

New Giveaway at Dip Diddly Designs!

Oh what a wonderful design to have a chance at winning! Go here Dip Diddly Designs for a chance to win a chart, floss, fabric and needles. Everything you need to start the project!

Life update

Obviously it's been a bit since I blogged. As usual, I get all gung-ho about something new and then it fizzes a bit. BUT, I'm back to tell more. :) I've doing great at the Couch 25K program and was up to Week 3 last week and then on Friday I was sick and couldn't run. Then I got sick over the weekend along with 2 of my sons and now DH is sick. Went to the doctor on Monday w/Devan, my 11yo, and found out we had Strep. Lovely! That explains why I couldn't breathe and sleep and swallow! Needless to say, the runs were out for a bit. I intend to start again this week. Hopefully tomorrow.



I have done a bit of stitching. I finished a Prairie Schooler August ornie, but forgot to take a picture, I'll have to do that later. And I FINALLY started my Papillon Castles in the Air SAL. I've got pictures for your viewing pleasure! Here's my floss toss - I'm using 28ct Lugana evenweave in Antique Ivory I think it is. And here's the small start that I have. I've also been working on my Noah's Ark Sampler and my L&L Angel of Grace.



The boys have finished summer school now and the only we have going on aside from playing is Devan's summer theater that he's involved in. Our town has a group called the Redbud Players and they always do a childrens play/musical during the summer. Devan was in it last year and is in again this year. He's had practice every afternoon except Friday since school let out in June. The performances are this weekend on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I'll post pictures of that after the weekend.

Therese, my daughter, is getting quite the belly on her. She was 19 weeks on Monday - it's gone by so quickly! She had her first ultrasound about a month ago and also went to the doctor. The doctor told her that right now her placenta is low, which COULD result in Placenta Previa if it doesn't move away from the cervix. Basically that means she would have to have a c-section. We're praying that doesn't happen. Typically when it's found early in pregnancy it will move on it's own, but there's nothing she can do to help it along. She has another appointment on July 28th and then he'll schedule another ultrasound to see how things are going. She and Brian are also hoping to find out the gender of the baby. They say their too impatient to wait! :) Here's a picture of Therese we took on Sunday.

Well, that's all for now. I really need to figure out how to add pictures differently. For the life of me I can't figure out how to get them to line up with the text that talks about them and then start writing new text underneath. Guess I need to dig into the depths of Blogger help!

The start of a new week

Monday, the start of a new week. Today I started the 2nd week of the Couch25K running program, even though I've been running now for 3 weeks. Devan went with me again this morning and did great! He did take a little tumble at the end of our run. We were on our last running interval, and he was trying to get a mosquito out of his ear, when he tripped over a little lip of concrete. Fortunately, all he got was some skinned up knees, although the right one got it pretty good. He picked himself up though without complaining and we finished the last 5 minutes of walking. I'm so proud of him! Tomorrow we both weigh in and we'll see how we've done this last week. I did make sure to tell him not to get discouraged if he doesn't see any results on the scale yet, as it's only been a week. I reminded him that we're both doing something NOW, that we couldn't do BEFORE, and that's really good. :)


Here you see a picture of my lovely dinner tonight. I cut up a small zucchinic, a medium size yellow summer squash, a pint of button mushrooms, added in a small fresh red onion (from farmer's market), added 3 cups of shredded coleslaw mix (who wants to take the time to shred cabbage??) and about a half cup of sugar snap peas. I stir fried all of this in a scant tablespoon of olive oil and then added a couple of tablespoons of stir fry sauce. It was absolutely delicious! AND FILLING! I thought I'd be able to eat the plate full, but no way! I'm saving the rest to take to work tomorrow. The only thing that would have made it better would have been either some chicken or turkey breast diced up and maybe some water chestnuts...MMMMM....

Well, it's time to clean up the dinner dishes, I'm getting Todd to bed early tonight as he seems to be really tired and then I'm going to TRY to get some stitching. I'm pretty tired myself, so we'll have to see how that works.

Productive Day!

Well, I actually got Mount Washmore done and put away today! Well.....there's one load left in the washer that I'll put on the line shortly and when that's dry I'll fold that and put it away.

I also pulled out ALL the winter clothes and sorted those into sizes along with another huge box of clothes I had and now we're ready for this fall/winter when the time comes. Of course, with sorting comes de-cluttering and I probably have enough to fill 3 garbage bags full of my clothes, the boys clothes and Therese's clothes. I'm going to go through all of them and pull the nicest stuff out and try to sell it online. I could really use the extra money right now.

As for stitching, I stitched maybe an hour yesterday (Saturday) morning, but that's it. The rest of my day was taken up by cleaning the kitchen and going grocery shopping. Most of today was taken up by the laundry. I'm hoping to get a little time in on my L&L Angel of Grace after dinner tonight, but we'll see. I have to be up at 4:30AM for my run tomorrow. Tomorrow I start Week 2 of Couch 25K and Devan is still doing it with me. I hope he can keep it up.

Well, need to go pull apart the chicken I boiled for tonight's dinner and turn it into Chicken & Rice.

I ran again today!

So I did it again! Today was the 6th day in 14 that I've run. I'm running Sun/Tues/Thurs for the Couch 25K program found at Cool Running. It's amazing how much easier it is to run with good shoes. Shopko had their athletic shoes on sale this past weekend and I got a pretty good deal. I bought a pair of Asics running shoes that were normally $60 for $41.99. It's made a world of difference.

Haven't got much stitching done this week at all. Saturday was my niece Grace's 4th birthday party, then we got together with the in-laws for lunch on Father's Day, then went to the pool in the evening. Monday dh works, Tuesday I worked late shift, Wednesday we went to the pool after I got home from work, and tonight I finally stitched for about 10 minutes! ONLY 10 MINUTES! I really, really want to stitch.

However, I can't stitch anymore right now, cause everything is blurring together. The only downside to exercising is that in order to run AND get ready for work, I need to get up at 4:30AM. I'm wiped out by now, so no more stitching for me.

Oh, if you're up for a chance at a wonderful giveaway, please check out Kathy's blog. She's giving away a piece of fabby that she dyed herself and more!

Saw this little poem on another blog, and like it!

The Creation

When God had made the earth and sky
the flowers and the trees,
He then made all the animals
the fish, the birds and bees.

And when at last He'd finished
not one was quite the same.
He said, "I'll walk this world of mine
and give each one a name."

And so He traveled far and wide
and everywhere He went,
a little creature followed Him
until it's strength was spent.

When all were named upon the earth
and in the sky and sea,
the little creature said, "Dear Lord,
there's not one left for me."

Kindly the Father said to him,
"I've left you to the end.
I've turned my own name back to front
and called you dog, My friend."

Author Unknown

Summer in Wisconsin........sweltering, sticky, hot.....blech! The weather has been quite nice up till now, highs in the 70's, no humidity.....and then it happens.....Summer Solstice, June 21. And BAM it hits!

Heat, humidity, the heavy air......fortunately Devan and I were able to run this morning before it got too bad out. But even still, it's 67 degrees w/94% humidity. At 5:30 in the morning!

I'm NOT looking forward to getting off work tonight and walking out into the sauna. We have a heat advisory for the day - they're expecting the heat index to be over 100. Phew! Thank goodness for AC!

Changes in our Home!

The last few months have brought some changes in our home. In late April we found out that we were going to be Grandparents! How can I be old enough to be a Grandmother? Ironically, I'm the same age MY Mom was when I had Therese AND she is due one day before I was due with her.

On June 7, Therese graduated from high school and we met her boyfriend Brian's parents. Bruce and Paulette are wonderful people and we really enjoyed getting to know them. We look forward to spending more time with them as we will be sharing a new Grandbaby. Here are 3 pictures from Graduation. The first is of Therese, Brian and his parent, the next is of Therese & Brian with their hands cradling their baby in her belly and the last is of myself, Therese and Dad.
So we got Graduation all done and now my Baby Girl has officially become engaged AND moved out of the house. Yup, Brian officially proposed to her on Friday evening. He even managed to surprise her. They had bought a new bed and Brian had one of Therese's close friends go with him to pick out a new comforter set for it. Turns out, he picked out the exact one she wanted. He surprised her with the new bedding Friday night, along with candles and a rose. He got down on one knee and told her he loved her and asked if she would marry him. Of course, she said yes! Brian is an amazing young man, and these two have already been to heck and back over the last three years. I look forward to having him for a son in law.

Well, I guess that's all for now. It's almost time for my boys to head to bed, then I'm going to do just maybe 30 minutes of stitching and then it's bed for me. 4:30AM comes extremely early and I have to run tomorrow.

L & L Angel of Grace

I finally have an updated picture of my WIP on my angel. She's coming along quite nicely. The only thing that would make it easier to get done (aside from more time), is a stand frame. I'm using a scroll frame and dream of getting a nice stand. Either a Gazelle or a System 4....maybe for Christmas?

My First Blog Post!

Well here it is. My first blog post. This is something I've always wanted to do, but never been quite sure where to start. A lot of the ladies on the cross-stitch group I belong to use their blogs as a way to chronicle their WIP (work in progress) for their cross-stitch. So I decided I'd combine the two.

I have come back to cross-stitch after a long time away and I have also started taking care of my body and trying to become fit in earnest. This week I started the Couch 25K program. Today I completed the second day of running and I feel good. At this time last year I weighed 240 and on Monday when I weighed in I was at 225 or so. I need to get a digital scale instead of my old timey one. :)

I am also tracking my calories at sparkpeople and that has been a real eye opener. You tell them what your starting weight is and your goal weight and it puts together all your calorie needs and exercise needs for you. My goal is to be at 180 by December of this year and in order to do that I need to do 30 minutes of Cardio 3 times a week and keep my calories between 1200-1550 per day. It's actually quite easy to do if I fill up on lots of veggies. Cabbage is my friend!

I have also been stitching on my Lavendar & Lace "Angel of Grace". I've got quite a bit more done on her than the last time I took a picture, so it's time to do that. I'll work on that this evening.

So, it's time for me to go get my shower then get my boys up for summer school. This was fun, hopefully I can stick to it!